Saturday, January 10, 2009

Love Is Selfish...No Really

Why am I up at five o'clock ranting about love. Crazy isn't...I felt like I had to get this off my chest. So I was up listening to music and these songs starting playing...that got me thinking. Once upon a time I was madly in love. And how love had me in a very messed up situtaion. My ex-lover who shall remain nameless for now...I just remember how bad I wanted him but at the same time didnt need him. It's funny how you listen to songs and the rappers say they are married to the streets well this was an understatement in my situation. I came second literally (to the streets), I would joke to my friends I wasn't even his mistress but just a jump-off because thats how i truly felt. And it got me on thinking how truly love is selfish. Love will have you render yourself to a person but at the same time won't let you take it back when you know you are in a f-up situation. Its like what they call an indian will give it all to you and take it back at the wink of an eye. But damn it if I don't miss that feeling I got when he was around. The way he would hold me and tell me everything would get better. I loved hard but in the end love didn't love me back.
Well I'm off to bed and will be officially depressed all day:(


  1. the difficulties, the trials, the misunderstood. i can begin to understand where you are coming from as far as these dudes being "married to the streets". honestly, i been down the road before so its familiar to me. its not a ally anyone woman wants to be down. its dark, lonely, and unforgiving because we never know what going to come through that dead end. street love is a one way street, as i mentioned the ally before because there is only one way out but how are you supposed to get out when love is standing infront of you holding the strongest weapon (emotion from the heart). something i found is that that type of love is unforgetful and unforgiving to your heart because no matter who comes after that you always think back to that type of love and i find it pretty peculiar when you break it down. so anyhow at least you recognize your role and you realized that you were more llike a jump-off chick and you and i know every woman is better than that. love is difficult, but as far as it being a indian giver i cant agree the actuality; however, i understand what you mean. LOVE is different and it can be mistaken easily, but when you truly meet LOVE there wont be and cowboys or indians...

  2. I think we all have those days where we want to hear those lyrics that talk to us and just lay in bed and cry.
    Been there. It get's a little easier with time.

  3. im happy or u that ur out of it. and hopw u dont fall into another one sided relationship

  4. That is the worst! I've been through that situation for a year, and its truly tough! I told my girls, if your stuck in something that isn't going nowhere, then get your ass going somewhere. You don't wanna be held down. And I'm glad you came out that relationship. I remember when I was listening to a song that i dedicated to my ex "At Last" I started crying and I was wishing that I was still with him, wanting to be with I'm so badly, hoping we can start things over, that didn't happen. My point is, that someone way better will come in the future and trust me, you will look back and ask yourself "that wuz love?" and your gonna answer your won questions " Nahh, that was bullshit infatuation, this right here what I have now, is love" Love comes in all sort of different ways. You gotta make it a two way street, not a one way. Because they how things crumble. But there are better men out there, someone who will treat you right, like a best friend also! one thing though, DON'T LOOK FOR LOVE. it is hard to find, that's like a blind person trying to find his way around without any support